This is an exciting way to help a couple and we believe that effective counseling nearly always leads to a productive outcome, particularly if both parties are willing to work. We believe that we come together with someone originally because we help each other in some way. Over time, we either lose the connection because we have not worked to maintain it or grow apart because we have grown in different directions. It is our bias to try to stay together. It seems there are many negative inner voices that come with separation and divorce and that the most difficult things we do as humans is come together with someone new or break apart from someone with whom we have developed a relationship. We are like two trees standing together; the roots become intertwined almost immediately and coming apart causes damage to each tree. Even if we decide to break apart after counseling, we have still improved our communication skills, have done some healing from the pain we evoked on one another during the relationship and are more tooled for post-breakup relationships, particularly coparenting; the most important of all partnerships.

During therapy the goal is to improve communication, our tools to resolve conflict and to increase our ability to be an authentic and vulnerable. Brene’ Brown says being vulnerable is one of the most courageous things we do. These tools are essential but not easy to use if we did not learn them in childhood. We believe that being a couple closely resembles our relationships with primary caregivers. Think back to your relationship with your caregivers and what you know of your partner’s relationship with their caregivers and now put those issues in the same house; we are bound to have struggles. Improvements require tools, training and a non-biased helper to join the team.